Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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