He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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