just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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