woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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