just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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