I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
