I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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