So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
