That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
