Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
