How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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