id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
