I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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