I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize