He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
