We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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