I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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