here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
