Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
