Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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