Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
