We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
