You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
