You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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