I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
