wrigley field is MILF paradise
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
