I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
