So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
