The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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