just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
