That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
