Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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