Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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