guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
