this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
