You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
