I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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