You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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