You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
last night I used snow as a chaser
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
