I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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