dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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