the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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