Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize