super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
