believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
