it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
