i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
