Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
