how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
