Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
