it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
