I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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