Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are the jesus of drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
