Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
