OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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