She's JV to your varsity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
