If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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