if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
