I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
