you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
