How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize