Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
