the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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